Yesterday was a Good Day!

Yesterday was good. I got to enjoy the company of two of my former high school students. We meet after school at Starbucks and watched a small dog drink a green tea frappuccino. Afterwards we headed to BJ’s and enjoyed a couple Pazookis together, on the TV screen was American Gladiator!

I dropped them off at 5 and then headed to Corona High to watch a little volleyball, to watch another former student play. I saw a couple more former students at the game and around campus, it was great getting hugs from them and hearing that they missed me. The game was close, Corona always gives Santiago a tough time. But the girls did ok, I am not sure what the final scores were or who actually won.

The day ended with our weekly Tuesday Pizza Night. We have not gathered as a group for two weeks since I was out of town those past Tuesdays. It was great seeing everyone, a couple more high school students came by. I do not think any of them really understand what strength the group brings to me each week.

So my tank is full again and I am ready to get busy!

Read through the Bible in a year

I am starting a systematic time of reading through the Bible in a year. I invite you to come and join me. I would love to hear your thoughts on the passages we are reading through daily.

Today the passages I read through are:

Jeremiah 28-29:32
1 Timothy 1:1-20
Psalm 86:1-17
Proverbs 25:17

The Proverbs passage is great!

Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house—
too much of you, and you will be hated.

I guess it was good that we left Amanda and Jonny's home and did over stay our welcome!

Oklahoma

This week has been filled with so much. We went to see Amanda and Jonny’s property as the grass was being mowed to be bailed for hay. They have 20 acres of land and many ponds surrounded it or nearby.

We went to see the Federal Building that was the target of the Oklahoma City bombing. It was a sad reminder of man’s ability to inflict violence and death on so many, including many children. I will post some pictures later.

Wednesday night the town paper came out. We raced to get a copy and read about the news of Lincoln County. Oklahoma is celebrating their 100 anniversary of statehood.

Yesterday I drove to the town of Perry to visit with some pastors and talk about churches and ministry positions. The town is old, and dying. I took some cool pictures on my cell phone that I will post later.

Last night we enjoyed a real farm cooked fried chicken dinner, with mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, rolls and pecan pie. Yummy! We drove by the high school football stadium on the way home. It was truly a Friday Night Lights, the entire town was at the game, unfortunately Chandler High School lost. I am sure the town will be grumbling about this loss today.

Today we are going to a parade in downtown Chandler, it should be a blast. The theme of the parade is the land run of 1889. I will post some pictures. It should be like the Placentia and Yorba Linda parades.

Tomorrow we are going to church. Afterwards we head to grandma’s for brunch with the family and then to see the property on quads.

"I am thirsty" Jesus

Mother Teresa gives some clear insight into the phrase “I am thirsty” that Jesus spoke from the cross in John 19:28. What was Jesus thirsty for?

Thirst is that physical characteristic that each of have when our bodies cry out for fluids, especially water. Being thirsty can be a painful reminder that we are missing something. We have to replenish our intake of water to survive. Without water we die.

According to Mother Teresa, Jesus was thirsty for us. Jesus’ pain in being thirsty is a desire for us to be a part of Him.

Jesus wants me to tell you again…how much is the love He has for each of you—beyond all what you can imagine…Not only does He love you, even more He longs for you. He misses you when you don’t come close. He thirsts for you. He love you always, even when you don’t feel worthy…

For me it is so clear—everything in Missionaries of Charity (MC) exists only to satiate Jesus. His words on the wall of every MC chapel, they are not from [the] past only, but alive here and now, spoken to you. Do you believe it?...Why doe Jesus “I thirst”? What does it mean? Something so hard to explain in words—…“I thirst”? is something much deeper than just Jesus saying “I love you.” Until you know deep inside that Jesus thirsts for you—you can’t begin to know who He wants to be for you. Or who He wants you to be for Him.

Jesus died on the cross and experienced the desperate needs of the poor everywhere. Jesus died alone. Jesus died feeling hated. Jesus died broken in spirit and in body. Jesus died thirsty. Not a thirst for water but a thirst for love, charity and sacrifice. Mother Teresa and the Sisters lived this out in their four vows of Absolute Poverty, Chastity, Obedience and Charity for the poor seeking to quench the thirst of Jesus.

The Saint of Calcutta

Imagine for 30 years God quits speaking to you. Prior to these empty thirty years God has spoken clearly about your call and purpose in life, but now loneliness. Imagine doing a job for your entire life and never asking for recognition. Imagine that you even ask that every letter you have written be destroyed. Imagine that the world knows you and recognizes your work but you wish not to be acknowledged.

I must admit, although most of you probably have figured this out, but I have an addiction. It may be hard for you to understand that a youth pastor is addicted to anything, but I am. My addiction may need severe intervention to overcome, I know that I cannot do it alone, it will take help from my friends, family and medical doctors.

I just started reading a book on the life of Mother Teresa (Mother Teresa: Come be my light: the private writings of the “Saint of Calcutta”). I have only read the introduction but I am already amazed at this wonderful woman’s life. Here is a woman that knew her call from God was to serve the poorest of the poor. Here was a woman that heard and knew God’s voice. But in 1961 she no longer heard Him.

With the grasp of her spiritual directors, she progressively came to grasp that her painful inner experience was an essential part of living out her mission. It was a sharing in the Passion of Christ on the Cross—with a particular thirst of Jesus as the mystery of His longing for the love and salvation of every human person. Eventually she recognized her mysterious sufferings as an imprint of Christ’s Passion on her soul. She was living the mystery of Calvary—the Calvary of Jesus and the Calvary of the poor.

I need intervention. Unlike Mother Teresa, I live for the recognition and the fame and the glory. In my life I need to be surrounded by people and need to feel that people love me. It is my addiction. I have overcome so many other addictions, but this one lingers. It may sound like nothing but consider the difference: Mother Teresa lived for God, Rick Ellis lives for self. Who would you like to be?

Mother Teresa wrote many letters and she did not want them to be used for her glory. Her life was lived out for God, not for herself. The letters and ultimately the books that would follow would focus on her and not the glory that was deserved of God. In one of her letters she expressed that the writers focus on the poor.

I am perfectly happy and grateful to God for what He gives—I [would] rather be and remain poor with Jesus and His poor.—I prefer to beg and struggle with little—let him write about “the work” and our poor and struggling people.—help me to pay for the schooling of our poor children and give the clever ones a chance in life.

I am only His instrument—why so much about me—when the work is all His. I hold no claim to it. It was given to me…

I have a long way to go to overcome my addiction. I pray that in the days, months and years to come I would deny more of myself.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

A New Generation's Response to Christianity

David Kinnaman, the president of The Barna Group, has written a new book titled unChristian. I am excited about reading through this book and have added it to my Amazon Wish List, if you feel compelled to purchase it for me. I have directly quoted much of what was written at The Barna Group in the article: A New Generation Expresses its Skepticism and Frustration with Christianity.

According to research by The Barna Group the Christian image has shifted substantially downward, fueled in part by a growing sense of disengagement and disillusionment among young people. This study also shows that those outside Christianity are less likely to view evangelicals favorably because of negative views of Christianity.

Common negative perceptions include that present-day Christianity is judgmental (87%), hypocritical (85%), old-fashioned (78%), and too involved in politics (75%) - representing large proportions of young outsiders who attach these negative labels to Christians. The most common favorable perceptions were that Christianity teaches the same basic ideas as other religions (82%), has good values and principles (76%), is friendly (71%), and is a faith they respect (55%).

Another view is that the church is anti-homosexual. The feeling is that Christians are so opposed to homosexuality that they demonstrate excessive contempt and an unloving attitude towards gay and lesbians.

This study also recognized that many young Christians hold these same views of Christianity. Maybe this is why we see many college students willing to leave what they once held dearly. To these Christians homosexuality is viewed as the biggest of sins. The study recognized that young people in the church and out had similar views of Christianity.

So as we tap into how Christianity is viewed I ask our older generation to evaluate ourselves. How do we view the issues that young people are concerned with? How are we communicating our values to young people? How are we embracing their values? Should we communicate those values? How well are we listening to young people? Do we really know what they are dealing with?

According to the study, older generations more easily dismiss the criticism of those who are outsiders," Kinnaman said. "But we discovered that young leaders and young Christians are more aware of and concerned about the views of outsiders, because they are more likely to interact closely with such people. Their life is more deeply affected by the negative image of Christianity. For them, what Christianity looks like from an outsider’s perspective has greater relevance, because outsiders are more likely to be schoolmates, colleagues, and friends."

I would love to hear your views. Read the blog before this one and listen to what this young person is saying. What are you hearing?

Expressed Frustration

Yesterday I read the following blog from a dear friend. I have not asked permission to use his blog in this article nor will I identify him. I have censored the curse words that he used but you will be able to figure out the words he used. This is the voice that many 16 to 29 year olds are expressing today. For you outside this generation, read this with an open ear and be willing to listen without responding.


I think I’m done with a lot of bull****....


So I'm thinking that I don't really want to follow the church anymore... I don't necessarily agree with what they have to say, pretty much at all. I want to clarify that I'm not pissed off right now, I'm actually in a pretty tranquil state of mind and just feel like sharing my thoughts.

I don't agree with what I have been taught for what is right and wrong necessarily... Everyone says that there is such thing as a conscience and use that as a crutch but to me it seems that it's just something that is in our subconscious that speaks to us about what we have been socially conditioned to. Try to tell me other wise, I would love to hear it, seriously.

"I like your Christ, but not your Christians." - Ghandi. I think I agree.

"Today, there are a total of 30,000 different religious views worldwide, out of those, FIVE THOUSAND of them are differing/bickering sects of Christianity. If that doesn't sound ridiculous to you, I don't know what should. The fact of the matter is, that when religion is taken too seriously, it **** EVERYTHING. It causes war, hatred, terror, ignorance, close-mindedness, and the inability for those under its spell to live their lives to the full extent. Most religions come with a built in story to instill fear in the hearts and minds of those who follow it. (i.e. YOUR GOING TO HELL YOU SINNER! WORSHIP ME! OR SPEND ETERNITY IN THE DEPTHS OF THE EARTH!)"

I don't know if I like that necessarily either...

I pretty much think that not really anybody knows what the fuck they are talking about...

"There are alot of good things about 99% of the religions out there and most of them have nothing to do with the actual religion. The support and help that the community can give a person who is down on their luck or the shoulder's to cry on that some people just don't have without them. Religions are just like Fraternities or Secret societies or even the birthday club at Baskin Robbins. They all provide benefits of being part of something larger than yourself. And most importantly, a sense of belonging and helping another person."

I think the worst part about it though is that half or more of the people in the church don't even really think about these things. They don't see other perspectives and it makes me wonder a lot of things....

So..................

I'm doing my own thing, and im pretty happy and excited right now.

P.S. (I'm not saying I don't believe in Jesus)

I just don't believe in bull**** teachings anymore


And I still have TONS of respect for some people who have had an influence on my life (most of you know who you are, some might not), just because your a Christian doesn't make me not respect you, if thats what you got out of this

GL on your individual journeys my friends


Tomorrow I am going to talk about an article written at Barna.com: A New Generation Expresses its Skepticism and Frustration with Christianity. I encourage to read through this article. A great book to read is They Love Jesus but not the Church by Dan Kimball.

Living in Yesterday

Today I was watching the morning news when Beaver and Wally Cleaver were guests. Wow, I remember watching these guys on TV when I was little, man they are old! I loved to watch Beaver get into trouble. What made the show fun was watching an era, even before my time, when it appeared there was nothing but innocence. No bad words, no stealing, no bad tempers, no car chases and no moms working outside the home. Kids obeyed their parents and the parents never had to say “I love you.”

Tomorrow night I am going to my high school reunion. I have been out of high school for 30 years! It was so long ago. I am sure that some would look back at the 70’s as a time of innocence too. But like the 50’s when Leave it to Beaver was on TV, it was not as innocent as we might like to think. We were involved in much of the same sin issues our students in high school face today.

There are many that love the past. If the had their way they would be still living in the past. Some were the jocks or the cheerleaders in high school and those were their glory days (great Bruce Springsteen song!). For some those days were the highlights of their life. Nothing great has happened since high school. They might not even have something to look forward to.

We cannot live our lives in the past. We have moved on, forward if you will and the past is past. Nothing we can do will ever change the past. We do have control of our todays and we can be involved in our tomorrows, but what about our yesterdays?


Is today only a reflection of our yesterday?

Late Night Conversations

Last night I got to hang out with about 50 middle school students at Citrus Heights Friends Church. It was fun. Andre has some cool toys for the group. They have a ramp and a couple bar for grinding for the skaters. The church just set up a basketball court outside that looks great. Andre loves hardcore music, so does his kids, and they pump it out into the outside gathering area.

Many of the kids from camp ran over and gave me an incredible hug. It was great feeling their appreciation and love for me. It kind of makes this place a second home and I know that it will be just as much fun tonight with the high school students.

The evening ended with some quality time with Dom, the high school pastor and his wife Cala over desert. We got to talk about ministry and life and how to train up and recruit leaders. It is amazing to me that parents want the best for their kids but sometimes fall short. Are we as parents willing to get involved with the spiritual formation of our own kids?

We have kids involved in sports, sometimes multiple sports at one time. We push for great grades, anything less will not get you into a good college. We allow our kids to be involved in any other activity that they are excited about: band, dance, motorcycle riding, etc. All these things are great. But are we as parents spending quality time with our kids? Do we sit and just talk? Do we have dinner around a table and spend time together as a family? Do we talk about the Bible, God, Jesus and our relationship with Him to our kids? If so, how frequently?

Deuteronomy 6: 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. [5] Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. [6] These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. [7] Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. [8] Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. [9] Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

If you are following the shema, the verse above, doing all those other things are great. If you are following the shema youth group becomes unnecessary, except to gather with a group of brothers and sisters in the Lord. You do not need youth pastors if you are following the shema, the parent becomes the pastor.

In the days of Jesus there was no separation of spiritual life and work life, or school life, or sports life, or home life. It was all connected. Spiritual life was connected with every aspect of the daily coming and goings of the family. Your spiritual life dictated how you conducted business and how you raised your family.

Thankfully for a large group of youth pastors, parents are not following the shema. Thankfully for a large group of youth pastors, parents are not allowing their spiritual life to exist with their “regular” life. So for a large group of youth pastors we have job security and late night conversations about doing ministry will continue.

Road Trip: Off to Sacramento

Tomorrow morning, at around 4am I am heading north. I am excited about my trip and reuniting with a group of junior high and high school students at Citrus Heights Friends Church. I know it will be a great trip. Look for my posts about my trip, if I can find a free Internet coffee house.

TP: An Act of Love

This is what I woke to this morning! Thanks Katelyn, Hayley and Brett, I feel the love!

Last Day

Well today marked my final day at West Community Friends Church. It really was an amazing day. The students put together a memory/scrapbook for me. The book was presented at both services in front of the congregation. The students came up and laid hands on me and prayed over me. The act of creating this book said so much about their love for me. It has touched my heart deeply and I look forward to reading all the comments. I know I will need Kleenex.

During second service I was given the opportunity to speak. I challenged the church to look at the high school students that were gathered with me in the sanctuary, over 45 high school students were there. For a church of just over 300 this is an impressive number (over 30 middle school students were at first service). This is the future of West Community Friends Church. If the church wants to be relevant to the current and future culture these students need to be embraced, challenged and utilized.

After church services the congregation put on a cake party in my honor. It was nice and the cake was fantastic. Sally always decorates the best cakes and bakes the best cookies; I am going to miss her treats. It was nice saying goodbye to all the families that came.

Finally we all ended up at Sami’s home for a party with over 50 students. What a great time to talk and hold one another. It was great. There were some tears but it was the memories that were being cherished. I am proud of these students and of their spiritual growth, I think we call this discipleship. They are ready to take on the world and the church. I am going to be their biggest cheerleader.

Katelyn, I know that you did a lot of the planning and organizing for this day. I am proud of you! Thank you for making my last day the best!

Tomorrow I will post the message from 1 Corinthians 15:58 that I gave to the group today.

Melancholy Day

I have been attempting to write daily on my blog. It is my hope that I can read more and write more. Today though I did not accomplish much reading or writing.

Last night was my last midweek night with my high school students. It was a great night. About 20 of us started with dinner at Miguel’s. For the past month I have really enjoyed our shared meals together. Nothing to me says more about community, and family and church than a shared meal. Our time together was nice and we had a great time of worship, thanks Jeff! But there was something about last night that we all felt. It was the sense that things were not going to be the same next week. The sadness in the youth room was felt by everyone. There were a lot of tears.

Today I have feeling melancholy. I received some great emails and potential job offers but last night’s sadness lingers.

Tonight I went to the Santiago High School football game to watch some of my girls perform with their color guard team at halftime. They did an amazing job and I am very proud of them. But that only builds on my sadness. I know I will be at fewer and fewer of their games, dramas and halftime shows.

Sunday approaches and I know that it will be filled mostly with more tears. I would love it to be a time where we celebrated the accomplishments. But I know it will only be filled with the realization that we will soon be separated and that change is coming.

My hope is that tomorrow I can write about those accomplishments that we achieved as a youth group. This group has been the best and I would love to share why I love them so much!

See You At The Pole 2007

I have a real love—hate relationship with See You at the Pole. I love to see so many students take the opportunity to meet at their flag poles along with their friends to pray. I love to see their courage as they demonstrate their faith in front of their peers, many who do not know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I love that it is student led. I love to see the creativeness of the students and the spontaneity.

But I hate that it is so early in the morning!

I have to get up around 5:30 to shower and get ready to be at the first flag pole by 7. The sun is not even up that early. I arrived at the first school (Corona High) ten minutes early. I saw three of my students hanging around the pole, but I decided to relax in my car, listen to the radio, drink my coffee and pray for a great day.

The day was great! At Corona High many of my high school students (around 15 students) came out to pray for their school along with about twenty other students. They gathered around and lifted up some incredible and powerful prayers to God, asking for safety, asking for revival, praying for the teachers, the staff and the administration. It was awesome.

I left Corona High and headed out to visit my first junior high (Corona Fundamental Intermediate School , CFIS). When I arrived there a large group of junior high students were already circled around their flag pole and singing Father Abraham. You have to love these students. They were so joyful about the day that they demonstrated it through the music they were singing. Every time a student joined the circle the students would clap and cheer and demand the students introduce themselves and tell what church they were from. They did an awesome job. There were about 6 or 7 students from my church at CFIS and about 40 other junior high students.

The last school I visited was Raney Middle School. Raney starts later in the morning than the other junior high and high schools in Corona: 8:55. This means that the students did not need to arrive to their flag pole until 8:15. I started my wait across the street at 7:45 with my coffee that was now cold. Nothing screams stalker more than a middle aged man parked in a car across the street from a middle school. I sat in my car for almost an hour.

Finally, at 8:45 a group of five girls from my church approached the flag pole. We had less than ten minutes to pray. It was short and sweet but it was still good that the students there were able to pray for their school.

I am praying for all schools, that Christian students will love others in the way that Jesus loved the world. That they would demonstrate through their love that we are all created in God’s image and that He wants to reconnect with everyone. Don’t stop praying for your school.

I would love to hear about other See You at the Pole stories.

See You At The Pole

The Giving Kiosk

Recently I have heard of a new way to encourage giving by the church, The Giving Kiosk: and ATM type of machine, placed in or near the sanctuary, that accepts your giving. Now I am not going to get into the theology of giving and if Jesus ever commanded us to give or not, but I do recognize that most churches need the finances from the giving of the congregation to survive. Budgets are written and proposed each year that limits spending based on the previous year’s giving and the current trends of growth of the church. Most churches have a mortgage, utility payments, salaries, ministry needs and many other expenses that have to be addressed yearly. It is my hope that all churches use a portion of their received gifts in ways that help their community, the world, missions, and any other group that is making a difference for Jesus and the Kingdom of God.






We live in a culture where the economy dictates what we spend and how and where we spend our money. We live in a time where many homes are being repossessed by banks. Interest rates and creative financing have put people in a corner where their only way of keeping on top of the bills is walking away from their homes. Gas prices continue to climb and we are slaves to our cars. We work miles away from our homes and walking to work would be impossible. Mass transit is not even an option any of us want to consider. This past week we have heard on the news that the US dollar has dropped in value allowing others to come into the US for deals because their dollar buys more. I thought that was why many went to Mexico. Lastly, salaries are not rising to meet the cost of living.


Realizing that we are facing some difficult times giving to the church has dropped. Budgets are not being met and budget cuts become the necessary course of action. Churches become creative in ways of meeting their budgets. Fundraising, golf tournaments, concerts, guest speakers, workshops, car washes, bake sales are just a few ways that some churches raise money to offset expenses. It is funny though that the people targeted for these events are the same people sitting in the pews. Other methods of giving have been online giving: a secure way of giving from the safety and convenience of your home pc. And if you use your credit card you can earn frequent flyer miles!


For most of us giving is a part of our act of worship (2 Corinthians 9:7) as we cheerfully give back to God a portion of what He has blessed us with. We bring to this offering to God and to His storehouse (Malachi 3:7). I am afraid if we are looking for a reward or convenience for our offering we are missing the point of sacrificial giving (Luke 21:1-4).


One pastor who uses these giving kiosks was quoted as saying, “We're just trying to connect with the culture and that's how the culture does business. It's more than an ATM for Jesus. It's about erasing barriers.” It is funny that this would be his concern instead of reaching those in the culture and inviting them in.

What is Love?

Have you ever wondered about love? We use the one word to express our love for our wife and tacos. I would die for my wife but would I die for a taco? So what does love really look like? How do I know I am love?

In the Bible two Greek words are used to describe love, agape and phileo. Phileo is love for one another, as in a friendship held in high esteem. Sometimes friendships are built on shared interests. Philadelphia is known as the city of brotherly love. Hydrophilia is an attraction to water; bibliophilia is a love of books; and philosophy is a love of wisdom. So maybe tacophilia is how I should describe my love for tacos.

There are two other Greek words for love not used in the Bible: storge and eros. Storge can be best described as the love a parent has for their children. Eros is the sexual love a man and woman have for one another. Eros is where we get our word erotic.

Agape is the unconditional love one has for another. It demands nothing in return. Real charity does not happen unless agape love is involved. Agape love is a choice. We can display our agape love for God or we can display our agape love for the world (2 Tim. 4:10, Matt. 6:24).

God displayed His agape love for us by sending His son to die on a cross for us:
1 John 4:9-10 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Marriage should be built on agape love. Our love for our spouse needs to be selfless and looking for nothing in return. Countless times I have done a project for my wife only because I wanted something in return. “I did this for you because…,” does that sound familiar?

In Ephesians 5:25 men are instructed to love (agape) their wives as Christ loved (agape) the church. It goes on to say that Christ gave Himself up for her, the church. Jesus willingly sacrificed Himself for us. Therefore for me to truly demonstrate my love for my wife I need to be willing to sacrifice (to give up something I value) for her without looking for something in return.

For an even clearer picture of what agape love is read 1 Corinthians 13. May your agape love for God and your spouse be one that never fails!

Moral Filth

Today I was doing a Bible study with a group of junior high students after school.  It is a great time of eating cookies and drinking sodas in a park across the street from their middle school.  We get together every Friday afternoon, it is one my highlights in my busy week.  We are currently reading through James.

I have read through James a thousand times.  But today God showed me something I have read over and missed.  Isn’t that amazing how your eyes see something new in the middle of familiarity?  

James 1:21 says, “Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

Today moral filth became visible to me.  Do you see it?  What is moral filth?  Moral is the ability to know or sense right and wrong.  Filth is something dirty, foul, disgusting, and unclean.  So what is moral filth?  It is something that is ok in the world’s eyes but unclean in God’s eyes.  Abortion is ok in the world’s eyes.  Premarital sex is ok in the world’s eyes.  Astrology is ok in the world’s eyes.  Most pornography is legal.  Greed and covetousness is ok in the world’s eyes.  But all these things are not ok in God’s eyes.

Verse 27 is a bookend for this idea: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Don’t get polluted by the things that the world says is ok.  Seek truth through the Bible and live for God!

Stages of Grief

Stages of Grief


Psalm 46

[1] God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.

  [2] Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

  [3] though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.
        Selah

  [4] There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.

  [5] God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day.

  [6] Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

  [7] The LORD Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.
        Selah

  [8] Come and see the works of the LORD,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth.

  [9] He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
    he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
    he burns the shields with fire.

  [10] "Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth."

  [11] The LORD Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.
        Selah


On Jan 17, 1994 Southern California was awakened at 4:30am to a fierce earthquake.  This was the first major earthquake under an urban city in Southern California since 1933.  This was the Northridge earthquake and it was a magnitude 6.7.  57 people died and 9,000 people were injured.  Over 20,000 were left homeless.


The Earthquake lasted between 10 and 20 seconds.  The shaking from this earthquake was felt as far as 85 miles away.  


The scoreboard at Angel stadium had to be torn down because of damage it sustained during this quake.  11 major roads had to be closed due to the damage from the earthquake.  25,000 buildings were damaged.  


When we face grief we are shaken, sometimes shaken to the core.  The actual event may only last but a few seconds but there is a lasting effect.  And there is damage.  Once the shaking has settled we must survey the damage.  


In our lives we will go through the grieving process way too frequently, we face grief everyday.  When we enter into the process we want out as quickly as possible.  Some are capable of getting through the process quickly while others may take longer.  Some prefer to go through the grieving process alone and others may require and desire that they grief in the company of others.  I do not have a pill to magically get you through the process.  But realizing there are steps may help you get through the process faster or with less anxiety.  


In my life I have my moments of grieving:

A broken 7th grade relationship
Cut from baseball team
Missed promotion
Columbine in 1999
CW Perry’s death in 2000
The 911 attack in 2001


Some times the thing that drives us back to church is because we are grieving.  People have come because they are experiencing a deep, fundamental grief, remembering losses that had caused them deep and transforming pain, and anticipating perhaps the finitude of their own lives.  Death, pain, and suffering are a part of every person's life and it is this search for answers that throws us into the embrace of God.  What is there beyond all this?


Types of grief
Divorce, separation, breakup
Unfaithfulness
     Missed opportunity, promotion
     Financial Crisis
     Empty nest, children moving away
     Health crisis
     Death


Psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed the five stages of grief

1. denial


2. anger


3. bargaining


4. depression;


5. acceptance

A simple example of this is:

Imagine that your car has broken down and the battery is dead.  

DENIAL --- What's the first thing you do? You try to start it again! And again. You may check to make sure the radio, heater, lights, etc. are off and then..., try again.

ANGER --- "I should have junked you years ago." Did you slam your hand on the steering wheel? I have. "I should just leave you out in the rain and let you rust."

BARGAINING --- (realizing that you're going to be late for work)..., "Oh please car, if you will just start one more time I promise I'll buy you a brand new battery, get a tune up, new tires, belts and hoses, and keep you in perfect working condition.

DEPRESSION --- "Oh God, what am I going to do. I'm going to be late for work. I give up. My job is at risk and I don't really care any more. What's the use".

ACCEPTANCE --- "Ok. It's dead. Guess I had better call the Auto Club or find another way to work. Time to get on with my day; I'll deal with this later."

In Judaism, the first year of mourning is broken down in five distinct phases:

1. The first phase is the time between death and burial


2. The second phase is the three days that follow, when the family is given space to grieve privately


3. The third phase is called shiva , a weeklong shared mourning with family, friends, and community members


4. The fourth phase (which includes the shiva) is a 30-day period after the burial, in which the bereaved person eases back into life


5. The fifth phase is the remembrance of the first anniversary of death, at which time the headstone is placed, and things return to normal, relatively speaking

I like to use the acronym SARAH to help us deal with disappointment and grief.  


Shock and Sadness

There is a disbelief that this has happened.  You ask questions of why? How? What could I have done?  You walk in a fog, disconnected to the world.  It feels like a dream.  

In John 11 we read about a man named Lazarus who was sick and dying.  His sisters were concerned for his welfare so they sent for Jesus to come and heal Lazarus.  Unfortunately Jesus does not arrive in time and Lazarus dies.  

Finally Jesus does arrive.  Lazarus has been dead and buried for four days.  They were at a time of shiva.  The community has come to help the family in their grieving process.  Jesus notices the sorrow that Lazarus’ sisters are going through.  Jesus sees the mourners gathered to comfort the family and Jesus is moved.  This was probably the closest thing to a family Jesus had away from his own family.  

In verse 35 we read and see Jesus’ humanity and that even Jesus grieved, “Jesus wept.”


Anger

Anger becomes the next step in the grieving process.  Anger happens in the grieving process for numerous reasons.  Plans are changed.  Life is different.  People are disappointed or embarrassed by the situation they have been thrust into.  

There are feelings of bitterness, rage, or hatred.  Uncontrolled anger can lead to hurtful words and physical or psychological abuse.  It becomes a reactionary time.  Think back to 911, people wanted revenge quickly.  President Bush was quoted on September 14, “This nation is peaceful, but fierce when stirred to anger.”

Going back to John 11 did you notice that Lazarus’s sisters were upset?  Both Martha and Mary tell Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Our frustrations can even turn towards God.  Our disappointments and embarrassments are attributed to God.  He let me down.  We stop blaming ourselves and blame God.  You may ask, "Where is God in this? Where is his love? His powerfulness? His compassion? Is this really God's will?"

In Job we read about the death of his family, the loss of his business, and his health under attack.  For you and me we would say the worst or the end had come.  His wife’s anger rages and she tells him to curse God and die.

     Listen to Psalm 22, do you hear Jesus’ anger on the cross?

          (1) My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?

(12) Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.

Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.

I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.

My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.

Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced my hands and my feet.

I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.

They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.


Wrapped up in sadness, shock and anger are depression, denial and bargaining.  All of these stages require time to enter and exit from.  Sometimes the person grieving will return to these.  Anniversaries are notorious for prompting memories of a loved one or of an event or a missed opportunity.  But we are constantly on the move towards recovery.


Reflection

At the top of my bell curve I have reflection.  Notice it is at the top of the curve.  We have the opportunity to stay on the side of sadness, shock and anger, depression, denial and bargaining or we can move forward into acceptance and happiness.  

Reflection gives us the opportunity to stop and survey the situation.  We have endured an earthquake of emotions.  What is the lingering damage?  Am I recovering?  Am I still angry?  Can I move on with my life?  Have I forgiven others?  Do I need to ask for forgiveness?  

In Jewish tradition there is a mourner’s prayer called the Kiddush.  After a great loss like the death of a spouse or a child, you might expect a person to lose faith in God, or to cry out against God's injustice. Instead, Judaism requires a mourner to stand up every day, publicly, in front of 10 adult men, and reaffirm faith in God despite this loss.  The theme of the Kiddash is the greatness of God.


Acceptance

Now acceptance does not mean that life has returned to its former state.  In the case of someone dying, acceptance does not bring someone back to life.  Acceptance does not get you a promotion.  Acceptance does not rebuild the Twin Towers.  

Acceptance begins the stage in our lives when we can move on.  Our lives have changed and we must adjust.  It is about acknowledging the loss and learning to live with the loss.  

     We may need to grant forgiveness to someone who has wronged us

     We may need to ask for forgiveness from someone we have wronged

We may need to show repentance from a sinful life we have lived that might have led to our grief.

Read 2 Samuel 12:13-22, David was willing to accept God’s judgement


Happiness or joy


     What does happiness look like after grieving?  How about sleeping through the night?  
How about remembering a lost one with a smile?  How about the willingness to date or fall in love again?  

Happiness can be the reality that our loved ones are being cared for by God.  

Revelation 21:1-4  

Consider the prodigal son story.  A father has allowed his son to leave the family unit.  He grieves the loss of his son.  He waits daily at the window for his son’s return.  Finally after months, or years, of waiting his son returns home.  The son has lost everything.  But the father is overjoyed as he is reunited with his son.  

Happiness is realizing that we need Jesus to get us through our times of grief.  Happiness is realizing that Jesus got us through our time of grief.  Happiness is realizing that Jesus never leaves us.  


Philippians 4:12-13 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.


James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.


We are growing.  In the process of grieving we grow.  We grow in our faith.  We grow in our knowledge of Jesus.  We experience spiritual maturity.


Support groups are everywhere to help people who are grieving.  It is part of God’s plan that we help others who are grieving.  Remember the third phase of mourning?  Sitting shiva is where family, friends and the community would come together to share in the grieving process


There are some in our church who have recently had a loved one die, they need your to sit shiva.  

There are some in our church that are sick, they need your to sit shiva.

There are some that are facing divorce, they need your to sit shiva.

There are some that are facing financial hardships, they need your to sit shiva..

Some are grieving the situation our church is going through, they need your to sit shiva.


2 Corinthians 1:3-7  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.  And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Youth Ministry

Today was a happy day and a sad day. Isn’t it wild how in one day you can experience both feelings?


This morning I called one of my college friends/students and asked what he was doing today. I needed to check out a beach for a planned 8th grade retreat. I had never been to San Mateo campground and wanted to see how far from the beach it was and what the campground actually looked like. The campground looked like a great place for a bunch of 8th graders. Turns out it is a long walk (hike?) to the beach.


We figured we were at the campground let’s take a walk to the beach. What made the hike awesome, despite the distance, was the time of conversation I had with Brett (my college friend/student). He is an amazing young man with ideas and dreams on what church should look like. We shared different ideas, asked questioned and just enjoyed each other’s company. When it is all said and done maybe that it was church should look like: sharing ideas, asking questions and enjoying each other’s company. Sometimes it is awesome doing youth ministry!


After my trip to the beach I went to the memorial service of a young lady. I did not know the girl personally but I had seen her around. She had a great smile that was infectious! A letter was read by a young boy that did not know her but sought her out at school just to see her smile. It seems that it always made him feel good, especially when he was down. Many of her friends were in my former youth group. They spoke glowingly from the platform of this beautiful young girl and her love for others and for Jesus. It made me sad to watch as students that belonged to my former youth group mourned the passing of this young lady. Even though I was there for them at the memorial service it felt like I had let them down. I wouldn’t be around to help them through this. Sometimes doing youth ministry can really suck!


I am thankful that I was able to leave one church to work at another on good terms. The students were sad to see me leave (and I was just as sad to leave) but are very welcoming when I am around. My home still gets TP'ed by my former students. Sometimes doing youth ministry is just weird!


Lord help me to be the best youth pastor I can be. Help me to see the good in all situations. Continue to use and grow me.